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8 Steps to Scoring Big in a Bar
by: Melissa DarnayVida Guerra
If you’re single, you’ve
probably gone to a singles bar at some
point in your life, hoping to make a love
connection. But what determines whether
tonight will be your lucky night? Chance?
Kismet? Maybe. But most times it has more
to do with skill than luck.
After hundreds of hours in bars, pubs
and nightclubs—watching thousands of
singles in action—I’ve unlocked
the little-known secrets of finding
romance at your favorite watering hole.
In fact, my research was so successful,
that I’m now able to walk into any
bar, and within minutes, I can tell who
is going to get lucky … and who is
going home empty handed. Because
let’s face it, there’s nothing
better than the intoxicating butterflies
that flutter in your stomach when your
new love interest gives you that
“morning after” phone call.
Catching those butterflies isn’t
as hard as it seems. Whether you’re
trying to enhance your dating life or
meet the sweetheart of your dreams,
there’s an art to scoring big at a
bar. And believe it or not, you
don’t have to be ravishingly
beautiful to get lucky. You just need to
know how to play the game so you come out
ahead.
Yes, you read that right. Dating is a
game. Just like chess, scoring big in a
bar takes a winning strategy. Here’s
an easy eight-step process that’ll
help you score big in the love
department. Because let’s face it,
if you want the Monarch’s to be
dancing in your belly tomorrow morning,
you need to learn how to play the dating
game pronto, before someone else beats
you to the prize.
1. Look Your Best. If you think about
it, singles bars are called “meat
markets” for a reason. You’re
the “meat” and you have to
display your wares to make
“shoppers” want to buy. Grunge
might be comfortable, but after age 25,
the frumpy look won’t get you to
first base.
Men, wearing a sports coat will give
you a competitive advantage. Why? Because
women like men who look successful and
confident. By sporting a classier look
than your brethren, you’ll come out
on top. Women, I have three words for
you: show some skin. Don’t even
think about wearing a turtleneck to a
bar.
Let’s face it, after 30, very few
of us have the hard-bodied figures we
once did, but that doesn’t mean you
need to hide your assets. Even if
you’re a little plump, it’s
better to show your skin than to hide
behind a bolt of frumpy fabric.
2. Limit Your Alcohol. Although a
drink or two can lower your inhibitions,
drinking too much will send the wrong
impression. And falling off the barstool
is a definite no-no. If you tend to drink
more when you’re nervous, try
alternating between your favorite drink
and a club soda with lime. No one has to
know that there’s nothing stronger
than carbonation in your drink!
3. Exude Confidence. Self-confidence
is crucial if you want to be lucky in
love. If you have a swagger in your walk,
and a cocky tilt to your chin, your
Rolodex will bulge with prospects. So how
do you exude confidence when you’re
trembling inside?
There are two strategies that work
well. First, fake it ’til you make
it! Yes, that’s right, just pretend
to have confidence, and amazingly, others
will perceive you as self-confident. And
then pretty soon, that confidence will be
real.
Second, deal from strength. After all,
you’re probably the best at
something. Maybe you’re the smartest
person in the room. Or maybe you know you
can beat just about anyone at Backgammon.
Or maybe you can solve complicated
algorithms in your head. Maybe
you’re a true native in a town of
transplants. Whatever you’re good
at, borrow that confidence, and when you
walk into a bar, hold your head high
knowing there’s no one else quite
like you.
4. Cross the Great Divide. Amazingly,
I see both men and women who go to a bar
or singles party in the hopes of meeting
someone new, but then they spend the
entire evening either by themselves or
talking to the same-sex person they came
with.
Newsflash: if you go to the trouble of
being showered, shaved and cologned, you
might as well take action. An important
step in meeting someone new is actually
saying hello. Instead of thinking,
“I wish that person would come up
and talk to me,” take the initiative
and be the one who breaks the ice.
Something as simple as a smile and a
hello will work just fine. Just let your
feet do the walking, and break that
invisible barrier between you and the
person you want to meet. After all, you
can’t meet someone new if you
don’t even try. Just keep in mind
that dating is a numbers game, and you
may need to chat with more than one
person before you make a love connection.
5. Be Friendly. A sparkling
personality is worth its weight
in—well—drinks. If you’re
naturally effervescent, keep it up, and
it won’t be long before love finds
you. If you’re not, it just takes a
bit more work.
It helps to look good and feel great.
Then keep a smile on your face and focus
on other people. One key to being a great
conversationalist is to ask interesting
questions. Things like, “What do you
do for a living?” And “Where
are you from?” will spark other
questions or things you have in common.
Another way to score points in the
friendly category is to be up on current
events. This doesn’t mean you have
to be a news junkie, but it helps to be
abreast of current topics. With 24-hour
news stations and breaking news on the
Internet, it shouldn’t take long to
become well-versed in the topics du jour.
Oh, one note of caution: unless
someone’s political affiliation is a
deal-breaker for you, stay away from
politics and religion.
6. Men, Whip Out Your Wallet.
“Can I buy you a drink?” is a
sure sign of interest. Being too cheap to
ask will get you a cold shoulder,
followed by a cold shower … alone.
This is where you need to walk a fine
line. There are certainly women out there
who want free drinks—and nothing
else. So how can you tell the difference
between a woman who is using you to get
free drinks, and someone who is really
interested?
By reading her body language. Is she
looking directly at you, with dilated
pupils and unblinking eyes, or is she
looking somewhere else? Is she leaning
into you, or is she pulling away from
you? (For the entire scoop on body
language, see Chapter 3 in Dating 101.)
If her body language is positive, ask
her if she’d like something to
drink. Then, while you’re sharing
your first drink together, exchange
business cards. If she doesn’t have
a card (or doesn’t want to give you
one), ask for a way to contact her. If
she’s hesitant to give an email
address or cell phone number, chances are
good that she has no intention of seeing
you again, so put your wallet away and
move on.
If she readily gives you a way to
contact her, you’ll score more
points by being generous than by being
frugal. And if you really want to score
big, offer to call her a cab at the end
of the evening, just to make sure she
gets home okay.
7. Be Honest. If you’re not
interested in someone, it’s better
to make a graceful exit that to waste
that person’s time. Something as
simple as, “I’ve enjoyed
talking to you, but it’s time for me
to go mingle,” lets the other person
know that there you’re not seeing
stars.
Honesty is always the best policy,
because if you say you’re going to
the bathroom and then never come back,
you might end up with a stalker on your
hands. If you’re the person being
dumped, be gracious about it. Just
because someone’s not interested in
you right now, doesn’t mean things
won’t change at some point in the
future.
Because most of us tend to frequent
the same places, chances are good that
you may see that person again. Keep in
mind that if you get angry and say
something mean, you’ll never make it
past “hello” next time, so it
pays to be nice.
8. Have Fun. Instead of putting
unnecessary pressure on your big night
out, give yourself a break. After all,
tonight is only one night out of your
life. Instead of having unrealistic
expectations, grab a same-sex friend, and
plan on having a good time. Without the
pressure of having to find someone in
five hours or less, you’re more
likely to enjoy yourself.
Plus, when you’re laughing,
talking and smiling, you’re more
approachable than when you’re
nervous or tense. After all,
wouldn’t you rather chat with
someone who’s laughing than someone
who’s sitting in the corner alone,
looking desperate and lonely?
Now that you know the eight easy steps
to scoring big in a bar, get out there
and do it. The first step toward winning
the game is actually going out there and
playing it. And just like any other game,
this one takes practice. So if you
don’t meet someone tonight, remember
this … there’s always tomorrow!
About The Author
Melissa Darnay is a dating coach, a
matchmaker, and a relationship humorist.
For more information about Melissa or her
latest book, “Dating 101: The
Instant Cure for Romance Blues,” go
to www.CupidsGuide.com.
Cupid@CupidsGuide.com
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